


Life is Fleeting

by inactivelyverby



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Songfic, Suicide, dark-ish!fic, natural death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 00:52:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17478161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inactivelyverby/pseuds/inactivelyverby
Summary: "...you never think that the last time is the last time. You think there will be more. You think you have forever, but you don't."~Meridith GreyAdult!Rin/Sesshoumaru songfic set toThe Horror of Our Loveby Ludo.  Even though I wrote this a decade ago, I still cannot listen to this song without thinking of this pairing, even though it is not my OTP.  Read the tags, there are a couple warnings in there but I was going for artistry and not explicitness, so it's nothing overwhelming.  While the ending concept might seem OOC for Sessh out of context, I like to think I did a well enough job progressing towards it that it is conceivable.  Please let me know what you think!!!Told from Sesshoumaru's POV, it's easy to see why a human should never be the focus of a youkai's heart; humans are merely a brief flare of a brightly burning shooting star to a youkai's eternally burning sun of an existence.  But, all suns will one day fall victim to their own all-consuming flames...





	Life is Fleeting

I’ve always watched you. Since the day you found me you were never far from me, I couldn’t allow it. As a pup you were my soul’s savior. Your smiles softened my heart, and you gave me something to protect. I was a hunter, cut throat and unforgiving. How is it that a human was what brought me to my downfall…

**_I'm a killer  
Cold and wrathful  
Silent sleeper  
I've been inside your bedroom  
I've murdered half the town  
Left you love notes on their headstones  
I'll fill the graveyards  
Until I have you_ **

Hard. Cold. Unforgiving. I was all of these, and over the years they were melted away. Your love was unconditional, like that of a daughter to a father. How could I do anything _but_ attempt to live up to your expectations. You were the embodiment of all that I was not: sunshine and giggles, flowers and clear skies, smiles, happiness, merciful and altruistic. I would destroy all that threatened that.

As you grew and reached maturity, I watched and waited. I waited for the inevitable change all humans had, when the innocence of youth gave way to the selfish desires of adulthood. Greed, power, pride, what would poison you? But it never came, and with that my fate was sealed. You had surpassed your humanity, and I vowed to have you as mine. I brought gifts of great wealth, but never did your eyes light up as much as they did the first time _I_ brought _you_ a flower. With every token I presented you, my intentions became more known, and there were those, human and youkai alike, that fought against them. Once more, I would destroy all which threatened that.

**_Moonlight walking  
I smell your softness  
Carnivorous and lusting  
To track you down among the pines  
I want you stuffed into my mouth  
Hold you down and tear you open  
Live inside you  
Oh, love I'd never hurt you_ **

Nights were a welcome thing. Darkness surrounded all we did, and you allowed me my air of secrecy, for a time. I think you enjoyed the hunt as much as I did, the way you quietly weaved your way among the ebony forest, knowing I followed. You undressed much too slowly, far too provocatively for you to be unaware, as if you knew the gentle scent of your skin thickened as it snaked through the air after every piece of clothing fell to the grass. I glared at your bare nakedness as you stepped into the flowing waters of the river, agitation at your brazen mocking, sure that I wouldn’t act on my instincts. And through _all_ of this, you still remained your innocent self. It made me despise and desire you to a degree I could barely comprehend, and despite the heated glares you received from me, you never feared my punishment. Yet another reason I could barely stand your presence; you had no fear of me. I relished this fact as much as loathed it. You moved to be with me not from fear, but out of your own love and admiration.

**_But I'll grind against your bones  
Until our marrows mix  
I will eat you slowly  
Ohhhhh  
The horror of our love  
Never so much blood pulled through my veins  
Ohhhhh  
The horror of our love  
Never so much blood_ **

I enjoyed it, when we finally came together. I will never ignore this fact, and I will never lie to any who ask. It was a conquest, but the passionate heat that we met with betrayed both our motives. As I felt my way into your body, you found your way into my heart. Claws scraped against your backside as you took my earlobe between your teeth, and I was inspired to teach you what it was to love a youkai. I had every intention of showing you how dangerous it was, that claws and fangs against your bare skin were the least of your worries, but it’s amazing what a tender smile and a coy giggle will do to your resolve.

**_Ancient language  
Speak through fingers  
The awful edges  
Where you end and I begin  
Inside your mouth  
I cannot see  
There's catastrophe  
In everything I'm touching  
As I sweat and crush you_ **

It wasn’t enough to just be with you. I had to have you, mind, body, and soul. I’d never known love, never known happiness, before you were in my life. It was intoxicating and primal, awakening parts of me I’d never known of. Our bodies hummed in their unison. It was wrong of me, all of it. My selfish pride demanded so much of you, and yet I gave not nearly enough of myself in return because, despite the unyielding devotion and yes, love, I held for you, you were still human. How can a human ever grasp a youkai’s soul, they had not enough years in their bodies to ever attempt it.

So, though you tried every day, begging me with your heart of hearts, asking to have all of me, I refused until the very end to give you the one, the _only_ thing you’d ever asked of me. Years later, seemingly a day to one such as myself, illness gripped your body and took you from me forever, though had it been from a broken heart, none would have been surprised. Everything I ever held dear, I brought to ruin.

**_And I hold your beating chambers  
Until they beat no more  
You die like angels sing  
Ohhhhh  
The horror of our love  
Never so much blood pulled through my veins  
Ohhhhh  
The horror of our love  
Never so much blood_ **

I held you to my chest as your life slipped through my claws. The only thing worth saving and there was nothing I could do. A part of me broke, and I realized what it was to be half of a whole. Even as you faded from this world, taking your light, your smiles, and your warmth that I’d lived in all these years, you were still a glorious sight to behold. Your raven hair carried memories of nights in your arms, and your final exhalation of breath was tinged with my scent, effectively removing all that was me from your body.

My heart swelled in grief, and blood rushed through my veins in anger; anger at your finite life, and loathing of my immortality. How horrible it is, to hate what you’d always held pride in.

**_You're a ghost, love  
Nightgown flowing  
Your body blue and walking  
Along the continental shelf  
You are a dream among the sharks  
Beautiful and terrifying  
Living restless  
We dance in dark suspension_ **

Nightmares inundated my waking hours, visions of your radiant face were replaced with that of a cold, colorless counterfeit. Your phantom image floated in my awareness, and the distinction between memories and fantasies became blurred and eventually disappeared. My life became a cliff, and the dark abysmal ocean roared at my feet, lapping at the base and tearing away my foundation.

Soon enough, the fantasies and the memories weren’t enough. The sun itself could not seep light into my shattered soul, splintered and broken as it was. Life was void of all happiness, and the longevity I once held dear became a curse. When I began to detest the fact that I awoke every morning, despite all desire to have it not so, I felt I could take it no more.

**_And you bury me  
In the ocean floor beneath you  
Where they'll never hear us scream  
Ohhhhh  
The horror of our love  
Never so much blood pulled through my veins  
Ohhhhh  
The horror of our love  
Never so much blood_ **

The salty wind tore at my clothes as I stood at the edge of the world, the ocean that had been lapping at my feet were now tangible and pounding at the rocks at the bottom of the cliff. Even over the deafening sound of the ocean’s battle with the land, I could still hear my Rin’s voice, cheerful and lilting even as it admonished me for what I was contemplating. It was at this point I realized how hard I’d fallen, not only for this soft, frail human, but fallen from my stature in life.

And, sadly, it didn’t matter. None of it mattered anymore. I owed it to you, to give you the one gift I could never fully give you in life; myself. It was with a smile that I fell towards the dancing waves and became a part of their ballet for all of time.

Life is fleeting, souls are eternal. Souls know nothing of human and youkai. My life I could never offer you, it was too much for a human, too infinite for one so mortal. Only in death are we equal, one just as immortal as the other. None here can mock or judge, the most powerful youkai is the equivalent of the lowest, weakest human in this place.

In death I give you what I could not in life: my eternal soul.


End file.
